I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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