Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
