Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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