im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
