goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
