I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
