Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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