OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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