Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
