I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
