God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
