It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
