Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
