Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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