Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So drunk its hurt
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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