Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
These tits shall not be calmed
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
