Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
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I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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