At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
