wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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