the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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