We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
