yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
