i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
