Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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