Someone shit on the floor
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
