That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
