Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
