my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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