everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
