Will you blow on my dice?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What drink are we having for lunch?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
