when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
