Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
