You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
