i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
