i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
