I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
