Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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