i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
