Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
