i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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