i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
