If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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