Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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