you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
