I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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