garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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