I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
