would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
