I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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