I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
