Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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