Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
