brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
