just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
