If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
