What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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