I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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