finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
