Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
