I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
