apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's never too late to be topless.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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