he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
