He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
