My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
