don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
