You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it was like eating out sand paper
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
