all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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