I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize