Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
