Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
