what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
