No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
