I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I want her autograph on my taint
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
