If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is my gift to your gina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
